My New Life

Dear blog,

I’m so sorry for the recent neglect.  I have missed you.  Honestly I have.

But I’ve been up to my eyes in feeding, nappies, winding and trying to work out how to be the best I can in my new life.

My new life as a mummy.

Before becoming a mummy  I was always slightly judgmental – thinking that when women became mums for the first time, it was all they could talk about.  And I was right.  And I am now one of those people.

Because this is the most all-consuming job I’ve ever had.  And that’s ok.

Wow.  Three weeks in and I’m still fairly shell shocked.  I know women have been doing this since the beginning of time and I’m nothing new, and certainly nothing special.  But when it happens to you it IS new and it IS special so so special.  And at times, so so hard!

For those of you who I’ve not already bored on social media – I gave birth to my perfect and tiny son Noah George Francis on 2nd Feb in the early hours of the morning.  He weighed just 5lbs 4 oz.  Bless him.

Just hours old

Just hours old

You really don’t need to read the gory ins and outs of my birth story – but I will say that a good and positive labour ended up being fairly scary and traumatic towards the end.  Noah’s heart rate dropped suddenly and I had to get him out, and fast.  I had a forceps delivery with a lot of people in the room, which was definitely not on my birth plan.  But three weeks on I am accepting of the fact that he is safe and well thanks to the amazing staff who knew what had to be done.

So how has life changed?  Well every parent will know that everything changes to such an extent it’s actually hard to describe.  I never knew I could love so much and so unconditionally.  I didn’t know that my heart could break seeing my baby boy crying and not knowing how to stop it.   I had no idea that I could love my fiancé even more because he is such a wonderful Dad.  And I didn’t anticipate how much I would doubt my own abilities as a mother at times.

I also hadn’t quite grasped how little sleep I’d get, how long it can take to get out of the house and how drying my hair would become a luxury.  I never thought my perfect Valentine’s Day would be snuggled up on the sofa with my fiancé and my tiny son.  I didn’t ever anticipate that the day I managed to get my baby to breastfeed for the first time would feel like my biggest achievement to date, bigger than any degree, exam or job.  I never realised that a group of girls I met just weeks ago through NCT would become such a wonderful support network in these early weeks.

I had no idea that a tiny little smile (it could be wind) at 3am would melt my heart and make me forget the desperate tiredness.  I didn’t know how much I’d laugh every day at Jay for falling alseep in the oddest places and positions (see photo below).  No one told me that I’d be terrified all day long of irrational dangers that could hurt my new tiny son and that I would lie awake on the rare occasions he actually sleeps – checking compulsively that he is breathing.

It’s the most magical and yet the hardest job in the world – full of contradictions, conflicts and opposition.  Every day I get slightly more confident, and look forward to a few weeks time when I hope I’ll be navigating the world of parenting more easily.  And yet I am already scared of time flying by and me missing all the moments.

Wow – parents of the world I salute you.  My parents who raised five of us so brilliantly, you are my heroes.  To all of you who bother to read my blogs, tweets and facebooks and offer words of wisdom and advice – I read every single piece and I respect you for your knowledge and your willingness to share.

So into another week I go – still not quite believing that after everything, I am blessed to be a Mummy.  (And wondering at what point I can allow myself a tiny glass of wine!)

xx

 

ps check out my blogs for BabyCentre here ….

pps our vlogs are here – and there will be a baby one soon :)

 

Pretending he sleeps a lot.  He doesn't ...

Pretending he sleeps a lot. He doesn’t …

 

Kisses

Kisses

 

Daddy asleep in Noah's cot!

Daddy asleep in Noah’s cot!

 

1 week old

1 week old

 

First trip to Bluewater

First trip to Bluewater

 

It's knackering this newborn malarky

It’s knackering this newborn malarky

 

 

Video Video Video Vlog Vlog Vlog

Sorry about the crap title.  I’m in a very odd mood today!

To try and sort out said mood I’m off out for dinner in a minute – but I just wanted to post mine and Jay’s latest video vlog.

As our due date looms closer – we’ve filmed some of our baby preparation – including freezing meals, a timelapse of Jay putting up the nursery furniture and me reluctantly sorting through my old party dresses to make room for, well, baby stuff!

 

Enjoy

x

 

Things I’ve Noticed Since Not Being At Work

A night out without falling asleep. Miracle

Hiya!  So it’s 3 and a half weeks since I left work – and I’m pleased to report that I’ve actually been keeping very busy with various blogging/vlogging/baby/radio projects!  So I’m not bored yet. BUT It has also been rather enlightening for me – because unless I’ve been poorly, I haven’t been at home during […]

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The Most Amazing Weekend

Me and Jay :)

Howdy – how was your weekend?  Good I hope. I’ve shared a few little snippets of mine on twitter and facebook but thought I’d write a proper post about this weekend, especially as it’s been my last time to party for a while! ;) The reason I had such a good time was because we had […]

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35 Weeks – Getting Prepared

Jess and Me with our bumps :)

Happy New Year!  Did you have a great Christmas?  Mine was the usual – lovely couple of days with family – lots of food, just no alcohol this year! The big difference for me this New Year, is that I’m not going back to work tomorrow.  I had a couple of days last week where […]

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30 Weeks

wpid-img-20141122-wa0023.jpg

Hiya!  Think it’s exactly 4 weeks since I did a proper pregnancy update – so I thought now was as good a time as any! I shouldn’t have to say this every time (but lack of self confidence makes me do it) but if you hate baby bore stuff, then this is not the place […]

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Pregnancy Diary – 37 weeks

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Originally posted on Gas And Air:
This series of pregnancy diary entries are written by Siobhan, mum of one and now almost ready to meet her second baby due in 3 weeks time! Siobhan’s first birth 7 years ago left her feeling like she would never be able to have a natural birth again, but…

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10 Reasons I’m Irrationally Grumpy Tonight

Grumpy cat

(Disclaimer: I am 29 weeks pregnant.  I am hormonal.  And yes I know I am lucky/blessed/have no right to moan/not the first woman to be pregnant/first world problems- delete as applicable. But this is MY  blog, so just ssshhhh)     10 Reasons I’m Irrationally Grumpy Tonight   10. Because waking up at 4am, then […]

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The Fear

Doing what I love

When you’ve experienced loss, you kind of feel that it’s not your right to moan about anything pregnancy or baby related. I feel that I really shouldn’t moan about putting on weight, worries about giving birth, or the fear of sleepless nights. And actually I don’t really.  Yep I’ve moaned to Jay a bit about […]

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26 Weeks

Bump 26 weeks + 4 days, excuse bathroom selfie but I am only one here!

Evening!  Well I’ve just come round from a two hour snooze and thought I should do something productive with the few hours that remain of today – and I haven’t blogged in a while so here I am, hello. I thought I’d just write down a few bits about where I am at with my […]

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