Fed up with going to a restaurant and having to sit next to other people? Actual strangers?
Well here’s how to remedy that in 5 simple steps:
- Arrange to meet at least 4 other parent type people at the same time, in the same eating establishment (if you don’t have a kid – borrow one, plenty of your parent type friends will be more than willing to loan one out.)
- When you reach establishment make AS MUCH NOISE AND DISTURBANCE AS YOU CAN when it comes to finding a suitable spot. This involves crashing your over loaded pushchair and changing bags into as many occupied chairs as possible, talking loudly to your parent friends over your squealing babies and scratching chairs around as much as you can in order to fit your gaggle of parent friends and squawking children in.
- Then proceed to make even MORE noise by singing annoying nursery rhymes to pacify grumpy children / talking loudly over said grumpy children to their adult owners about breastfeeding or any other relatively dull parenting topic / dragging out annoying musical toys that play ‘she’ll be coming round the mountain’ over and over and over …
- Start breastfeeding – this is absolutely guaranteed to create even MORE space around you.
- Over stay your welcome – this is a sure fire way to make other diners eat up really quickly. Offer your mini people a choice of three different purées, an extensive range of finger foods that take them years to eat PLUS dessert. Order three coffees and two pieces of cake – really make the most of your time with your parent friends and noisy babies.
And voilà – there you have it – an empty restaurant, all to yourself! It’s really very simple.