Presenter, blogger, vlogger, media contributor, Mum (not in any order!) Trying to work out this parenting thing & documenting it in my own unique and real way x

Our Kent wedding – am I changing my name?!

We are now on a 9 week countdown to our wedding.

I keep thinking of the countdown as a pregnancy countdown and how fast it goes.  The time between 30 and 39 weeks pregnant when I had Noah simply flew – and I know this will too!

One of the questions you get asked a lot when you’re getting married is “are you changing your name?”

I think these days it’s perfectly acceptable NOT to change your name.  The feminist in me thinks it’s an out-dated practice that simply plays to a misogynistic ideal and society.

The non-feminist side to me that comes out when I’m tired or feeling romantic (which isn’t too often these days due to the tired bit) thinks it’s quite a sweet thing to do if you’re that way inclined.

There are a number of issues I’ve taken into account when deciding what my name will be.  These are:

  • Wanting to have the same name as my children
  • NOT wanting to lose O’Brien.  O’Brien is the last link to my Irish roots, roots that I’m immensely proud of
  • Being crap at admin and can’t really be bothered to change stuff
  • Not wanting to change my ‘work’ name
  • Wanting to show Jay that I do love him a bit really

So as you can see – I’ve been flitting between changing my surname, and not.

Oh by the way – Jay’s surname is not ‘King’ as he’d have you believe.  It’s actually ‘Griffiths’!

This is quite an important point.

He uses King for work, because he can’t says Griffiths – hence ‘JK’.

I also cannot say Griffiths and don’t really like it. *runs and hides from Jay’s entire family.*

I love O’Brien. Mmmm.

So due to my dilemmas I’ve decided to completely and utterly complicate my life and be:

Charlotte O’Brien-Griffiths

I figure I’ve suffered a whole life of people getting the apostrophe wrong in my name, why not add a hyphen and a double barrell situation to REALLY throw them?!

I’m actually fairly chuffed with the decision.  To be honest I’ll probably only change my passport so I sort of match Noah and everywhere else I’ll just remain Charlie O’Brien.

I’d love to hear what you did.  Let me know in the comments below.

xx

CHARLIE O'BRIEN COPYRIGHT

Dear Bear and Beany

22 Responses to Our Kent wedding – am I changing my name?!

  1. That’s exactly what I did, just added my husbands name on. For me it was due to the fact there are no more Inghams to continue the name as we are all girls, and also because Jeffries was far too boring to have as a surname. My husband hasn’t ever minded, and the nice thing now is that our children are double barrelled like I am and we now have a whole new generation of Ingham-Jeffries. Marriage is about two couples joining together, not surrendering your identity to suit an old tradition.

    • Thanks for reading and commenting! I love that you’ve created a new name for you and your children, how lovely. And I completely agree. Charlie x

  2. Your blog draw me in as I still don’t know what to do!! My surname gets me noticed so many times… Especially with acting. But I am absolutely sick to death of spelling it out over the phone or that awkward pause after I’ve said my name where they really don’t have a clue how to spell it.. Not to mention the amount of attempts to say it.. Eggnow being my favourite!
    But I love the sense of being a family unit and having the same name as my children etc. Also have the same thing with my Argentinean nationality- I like that it shows that I’m foreign! I’ve decided to keep my stage name as Maria Eugenio and perhaps legally have my name as Maria Eugenio Parker. So I can waltz around as Mrs Parker and use the Eugenio when I want.. Is that legal!? (I can’t possibly have the hyphen as my first name is double barrel too!) I’m not even sure if you have to have a hyphen to have both surnames!?
    Also… I’m guessing this decision has to be made on the day when you sign the register?! I haven’t a clue what I’m doing clearly lol xxx

    • Hi lovely! Haha, I can see all your dilemmas! I think you can do whatever you want! I love your name and can see why you’d like to keep it. Oh and I asked my friends – you don’t need to make the decision on the day, you just sign in your maiden name. Charlie xx

  3. Hello Charlie,
    I have been reading your blog for a little while now and felt I had to comment on this post!
    My husband and I got married in September 2014 after 11 years together and for a long time I said I would not change my name. My maiden name was me, I am proud of my Dad and didn’t want to lose that in becoming ‘Mrs Wife’
    Our children have his surname I never felt the need to be the same as them, I am their Mum and they know that, a name doesn’t change the fact does it?
    In the end I decided to go double barrel like you 🙂
    I love my name, although I have to be honest, the only thing I have actually committed to a name change on is Facebook! I really ought to get around to doing all that paperwork hey?! 😉

    • Thanks so much for reading my blogs and for commenting. I love that you chose to do what YOU felt comfy with. That’s what it’s about. There are no rules. Not in my mind anyway! Charlie x

  4. The weeks will fly by i’m sure- How exciting!

    Charlotte O’Brien-Griffiths is a lovely name! A perfect symbol of your marriage to JK and your Irish roots. I was really shocked by some of the questions people threw at me before getting married… “Are you really taking his name?” and “You’re not wearing white are you?!”
    I chose to do both.

    I agree 100% that it’s acceptable not to change your name. What I really wanted my (self-proclaimed) feminist friends to understand, was that taking his name was my choice. Wearing a white dress was my choice. And they shouldn’t have made me feel bad for doing either. If i’d have wanted to be known as Mrs sparklybum and to strut down the aisle in a neon green number *shudder* I could have done just that.

    I chose to have some alternative aspects at our wedding, and i chose some traditions too. Surely feminism is exactly that. Having the choice.

    All the best for the big day! x

    • I cannot believe people asked you about wearing white!! I don’t think anyone would dare ask me, haha. And yes I completely agree – it’s all about choice! Abso-bloomin-lutely. C xx

  5. I think Charlotte O’Brian-Griffiths is a lovely name. I have grown up with a double barreled surname. It’s great, but be prepared to be asked how it’s spelt. I don’t know what I’m going to do it I get married though! Not long to go now!

  6. It never occurred to me not to change my name……primarily because I’d never have gotten “Kate Radcliffe-Winchurst” onto a Passport or Credit Card!! ?
    It is tricky though because, if my Girls all get married & change their names, the name Winchurst will stop (as it’s very rare) which I can imagine is a sad prospect for my Husband & in laws!

  7. I’m a Waldie-Temple!
    It all started with when my son was born (before we decided to get married!) My (now) husband and I wanted to show he was a part of both of us, but everyone kept saying he had to be Waldie (my name) or Temple (his dad’s name), so when we registered his birth we asked and they said he could have whatever last name we wanted!
    Then when we got married it suddenly dawned on me that my middle name of Holly really didn’t go with just Temple so both my husband and I decided to both be Waldie-Temple’s ?

  8. That’s what I did I become Selby-Bird, my children are all the same and my hubby is just changing his name to the same (10 years on)

  9. I’m getting married in just under a year. I’m half Scottish and very proud of my solid Murray surname. I only have sisters and never liked the idea of the name dying out, so I’d always assumed I just wouldn’t change my name. My fiancé was absolutely fine with that. But I didn’t expect that I’d want to have some way of showing we’re a team. So I’m going with the double barrelled Murray-Broughton. He doesn’t want to change his surname but loved my suggestion that he adds Murray as a middle name. So we both end up as Murray Broughtons in the end!

  10. Great compromise and a lovely reflection of an equal partnership.
    I did change my name because my old surname was longer, difficult to pronounce or spell – quite frankly a PITA. However, rather than lose it completely, my maiden name is now the middle name of my youngest.

    • I LOVE that idea! My friend did the same with her daughter – her name was a reflection of her culture and heritage and I think it’s a lovely idea to pass on! Thanks so much for popping over and commenting! x #sharingthebloglove

  11. Its such a pain to change everything, we’ve been married six months and I’m still between names. I’m switching to my husband’s name, but just because it sounds nicer. Just do whatever feels right for you 🙂 #SharingtheBlogLove

  12. I love your compromise here – your new name sounds great to me! This was an easy decision for me, as I’ve always hated my original surname. It wasn’t awful, but just not very attractive. And my husband has a surname that I much prefer, so, feminist or not, I didn’t think twice about changing my name. Thanks so much for joining us for #SharingtheBlogLove – I really hope we’ll see you again next week!

  13. It’s a tough decision to make for so many woman. I loved my maiden name and I felt like I wasn’t going to be part of something if I gave it up. But, then I wanted to feel like my husband and I would be starting on our own journey together and would go on to have children, which of course we have, and I wanted to be the same as them. It must be tricker with you, as it is your professional name too. I think you have come to a good conclusion. Thank you for joining us for #SharingtheBlogLove Laura x

Leave a reply

Copyright © 2013-2018 Charlie O'BrienWeb Design by fairly marvellous Kent

Our Kent wedding – am I changing my name?!

by RealGirlRamblings time to read: 2 min