This morning I said to my partner Jay that I love Noah more every day.
Instantly I felt guilty for saying that – as if it in some way negated the feelings I had for him before today.
But it’s not that at all.
I loved all my babies from the minute I saw those two blue lines on the pregnancy tests, before I’d even felt my body change.
I loved the two babies that didn’t make it with all my heart. I may not have felt them kick, but I still felt like their mum and always will.
When I was pregnant with Noah my love for him grew day by day. I didn’t know he was a boy and yet the bond was undeniable. When I saw his tiny face and held his exquisite hands for the first time after a traumatic birth the crazy hormone-fulled love rushed in (along with exhaustion, nausea and severe anaemia.)
During those first hazy days and weeks of navigating through the confusing world of first-time parenting, the love continued to grow – as did my confidence as a parent. I felt us growing together as a family and as the days and routines became more familiar – the love became more solid.
I now find myself in a place where I know that my love for my child has no limits. I know the love will carry on growing into childhood, through the dreaded teenage years and into adulthood. And that to me is the most wonderful part of parenting. It excites me and makes my life better.
There is also nothing on this earth for me that compares with seeing Jay’s relationship with Noah and the way it grows and evolves. They are the absolute best of friends and it makes my heart burst with pride. It also helps my love for my fiancé grow on a daily basis.
We can’t make many promises as human beings. We make mistakes, we’re not perfect. But as parents we can promise to always love. To fill our homes with love and to show our children endless amounts of love on a daily basis.
There is so much hate in the world. Hate that manifests itself in wars and terrorism and atrocities every day. I can’t fix the world. I absolutely wish I could. But I can hope that the love I give my child in bucket loads helps him to go into the world as a happy and kind individual. Love spreads love.
Hate is consuming and destructive. I’ve been there. I’ve wasted energy hating someone who hurt me on every level imaginable. But I don’t have that in me anymore. And that is thanks to the love my beautiful boy has shown me. His love for us is pure and innocent and so overwhelming.
I feel blessed to have been able to experience this in my life.
Love truly is all you need