Presenter, blogger, vlogger, media contributor, Mum (not in any order!) Trying to work out this parenting thing & documenting it in my own unique and real way x

I Have an Inferiority Complex

 

Probably one of my best hidden secrets is that I never think I am enough. Ever.

On the surface I think I come across confident, self assured and like I’ve got it sussed. And in some ways this is all true.  I know how to speak to a room of 5, or 5,000 people.  But that doesn’t mean I believe in myself, inside.

Since I can remember – I’ve never thought I’m good enough.

Even my earliest memories – dancing competitions aged 3, I always assumed everyone else would be better than me and I took that attitude through my whole dancing career until my sense of inferiority made me stop altogether.

Now aged 35 it’s so ingrained in me I just accept it as part of ‘me’.

But when I stop and really think about it – my inferiority complex has held me back.  It’s meant I’ve earned less than I should have done, not pushed myself to chase my dreams and got myself into some volatile situations where other humans have seriously exploited me.

And it’s really time I worked on it.

I’m not sure where it’s come from – if it’s a nature or nurture thing.  I think perhaps a bit of both.

I come from a very modest family.  We were always taught to have humility and to be gracious to others. I think perhaps I took it too far.

In every situation I ever find myself in – my auto response is to assume I’ll be the least talented, the ugliest, the ‘worst’.

 

I don’t want my children to apologise for themselves, like I do

 

It’s often also called ‘imposter syndrome’ – something that especially affects women.

I never believed I was good enough to be on the radio, and as a result I held back and didn’t push my career to where I wanted it to go.

When I walk into a room full of people, especially a room of mums or women I automatically assume that no one will want to talk to me.

I hold back on publishing vlogs and videos – because who wants to see me when I’m so damn boring? In fact loads just sit unpublished on my mac for that very reason.

Each time I ask a friend or someone I know if they want to meet up socially I assume it will be a ‘no’ and that they will have far more exciting plans – and as a result I often fit round them, even if it’s not convenient for me.

As someone who is incredibly interested in self improvement – I know this is something I need to work on, so perhaps in my 40’s I can live more assertively.  I am the best person at lifting others up, highlighting their talents and encouraging them to go chase their dreams.  But when it comes to doing that for myself – I suck.

But then a part of me asks – is it such a bad thing?

I know so many people – who have such high self esteem that it actually alarms me.  People who seem to lack any humility whatsoever – and I find that so unattractive and incredibly unnerving. I like seeing the vulnerable side of people – the flaws.  They make us human.

But what I DO know is I can’t pass this sense of not being good enough onto my children.  I want to pass on to them the values my parents instilled in us – modesty, humility and never thinking you’re too good.

But equally I want them to value themselves and their talents.  To push to achieve and to shatter those glass ceilings.

I wonder if it’s possible to do all those things?

x

 

 

 

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4 Responses to I Have an Inferiority Complex

  1. I can definitely relate to this. I am also 35 and feel the same as you and worry that it’s too late to change! Hoping I am guiding my children in the right direction! You are great, with a lovely growing family and I enjoy your blog and vlogs. Makes me feel that I am not alone. Keep up the good work! xxxx

  2. You have just described me, and honestly I’ve just had a light bulb moment. I never knew this was even a “thing”. I thought it was just “me”. Self doubt and never thinking I am good enough in any situation is something I live with, and with that I always look for validation from other people. Now I can see this is something I need to work on, thank you Charlie, you have seriously just changed my outlook on life. One of those moments I wish I could reach through the internet and hug you and talk more and more about all of this!! Take care lovely xxxx

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I Have an Inferiority Complex

by RealGirlRamblings time to read: 3 min
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